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[06 Aug 2008|11:11pm] |
After a very long day, I'm sitting here sucking on a plum pit. I don't know why,as with alot of things I do these days. It tastes sour, and since I've been pregnant, sour has been my flavour of choice...along with sweet, salty, and anythina remotely delicious. Ice cream had become a daily necessity until my thighs became just a little too big. Not that I'm dieting while pregnant, just moderating a little bit. Instead of ice cream, I can make a fruit smoothie or something as healthy and inadequate to replace that irreplacable creamy cold sweet goodness.
Life for the most part is grand. I am now a married woman. Past crises have been crucibles for change and there's more love and clarity in my life than maybe...ever. The wedding itself was a mystical chaotic stressful sweet event. One which I would not live over. It is an entry in itself, but let it be said that as strange as it was, it was well worth it for the honeymoon in Thailand! Am I shallow? No, just pragmatic when it comes to matters of pleasure!
Right now I'm sitting with the fan on in our fairly new home. WE've been living here for about three months. It's in the mountains overlooking a small valley. The mountain itself is renowned throughout KOrea as having strong energy. There are many temples nestled in nooks and crannies and a maze of trails. The energy has definitely had an effect on us both and we talk alot about how much happier we are. We don't have air conditioning. I don't really miss it because I've never really used it. Even in New Orleans, I rarely used mine. Something about it makes me feel sick. But the heat can be slightly sickening as well. I am glad to have a few hours of coolness in the studios every day. I also use something called a 'bamboo wife", a cylindrical pillow woven out of bamboo which`is supposed to keep ones body cool.It seems to work.
I'm getting really tired now as I write this. I must get horizontal. The baby wants to lie down. Oh, and it's a girl. We call her Fabienne.
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[07 Jun 2008|05:54pm] |
I love being pregnant. The first three months were a little difficult, but not too bad actually. None of the morning sickness, just mostly fatigue. Now that I'm five months, it seems the next couple of months we'll be smooth sailing. I have alot of energy, I work full-time, go hiking, dance around, and clean the house. My relationship has gotten SO much better. Really truly really. WE're both very very happy. Honest communication and understanding has been the key.
We've been going to Hypnobirthing class. It's awesome. If you or your mate are ever gonna have a baby, please check it out. I have chosen to have the baby at home in a pool with a midwife, doula, and hubby. I want him to catch her and cut the cord. At first he was freaked out to not go to the hospital, but after awhile he has come around and is totally into it. I believe that everyone has the right to birth the way they want to and that natural delivery is, for me, the best choice. I know that my body works and doesn't need an epidural, episiotomy, forceps, vacuum suction, or Pitocin (an induction drug resmbling oxytocin). Indigneous women around the world birth naturally and easily, virtually without pain. Why? Are their bodies different? No. Their minds are. We have been imprinted with the painful image of birth since The Church made all pregnant women evil sedcutresses. Did you know it was forbidden to tend to a pregnant woman during delivery way back when?? She had obviously seduced some poor helpless man! The evil wench! That left her alone without a midwife (cus they were all being burned at the stake for being witches) and full of fear. Fear prevents the uterus from thinning and opening, prevents oxytocin from being stimulated (which creates surges in the uterus), and makes delivery painful. Now, I'm not saying delivery should be painless, but it is and can be for many women. I could go on and on, I've been reading so much about it. I'm really into it as you can see!
I've been practicing hypnotising myself for the actual delivery. We've also been doing prenatal bonding which is such a beautiful thing. I'm hoping to write more about this entire process, and more about natural birthing.
How we come into the world is very important. I'm hoping to make it the way it was meant to be for for my baby. Beautiful, powerful, and transformational.
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[21 May 2008|08:24pm] |
Sometimes little things give me hope. I got this forward today from a friend who knows this little girl:
My name is Hannah Angel, I am writing you to ask if you can help me ban plasticbags from British Columbia.
A small community in Manitoba has already banned plastic bags, so should B.C! With your help British Columbia can ban plastic bags. Plastic shopping bags cause many problems for our enviroment. One problem that is really sad is that they can kill turtles. I do not want to kill turtles (We do not want to kill animals)! The bags sit on the water and the turtles mistake themfor jellyfish. Eating the bags weakened the turtles because they are unable to digest their real food.
Plastic bags are non-biodegradable, and will be on our planet, for hundreds of years, long after our great grand children are gone. When burnt, they give off poisonous gases which can kill. Turtles are not the only animals that are harmed by plastic, other animals may choke to death when they eat them, or worse still, die painfully after eating it. One of plastic's ingredient is oil, which is non-renewable and in short supply. This can lead to the greenhouse effect and global warming. The ozone layer becomes so thin that there areholes, melting the polar ice caps and causing many problems.
If British Columbia would stop giving out plastic shopping bags then ourcommunities would be cleaner and safer for the animals and environment. Plastic Bags are one big problem, did you know that if you took all the plastic bags and tied them end to end, they would circle the earth 63 times!
I am just one 9 year old girl who no one will listen too, but together people will listen to us! You need to do the right thing and help us save British Columbia, Canada, no, the world! Please save the world and ban plastic bags. Please sign your name and address below (only if you are from British Columbia) and when you are the 100th signature please send this email back to me at: markandheather@shaw.ca
Once you hit forward (to send to all your friends) you will be able to add your name and address. I will print it out and when I get enough I will take it to my MLA. Also please say no to plastic shopping bags! Thank you for your help.
Sincerely,
Hannah Angel
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[19 Apr 2008|10:45am] |
Things are getting better. I'm back at the house. There has been alot of communication and some very revealing things have been....revealed. I need not bore you with the finer details of my relationship, but let's just say, that, it's ok. Actaully, better than before the shit hit the fan. By way of energetics, I had felt what was going on the entire time. There was a constant discomfot in my heart-a burning, which I believed to be pregnancy releated heart burn. Now that the air has cleared, it is gone.
I went back to work this week and I have to say, I've got a great job. I work 3.5 hours every evening teaching English to employees of a clothing company. This company is a literal sweatshop. They own factories in Indonesia mostly and sell fine ladies blouses to such ethical companies as JC Penney, Macy's, Coldwater Creek, and so on. The CEO of the company is a very charismatic fellow who originally hired me as a private tutor and then took me on full-time (if you call 3.5 hours a day full-time). He built the company from the ground up and believes in working the old fashioned Korean way. My students, whom I teach mostly one on one, arrive at the company at 8:30 am and go home around 10-12 pm EVERY DAY. They are not paid overtime. So, in spite of my assigned duties to instruct oral English, I have become the company counsellor. These people have extreme stress, fatigue, and spiritual constriction. When asked how they are doing the answer always is: tired, busy, and crazy. They tell me about their personal lives and their agony working for the company. The CEO keeps promising to hire additional people to lighten the workload for others, but, it doesn't seem to be happening. Then there's me...making 50 bucks an hour, breezing in and out. Have felt guilty at times, actually, but I slapped myself out of it. The ironic thing about this business is that the WTO regulations are so strict that those working in the factories are only allowed to work 8 hours a day and if they work overtime must be paid accordingly. But, since they make so little, the major complaint of the factory workers is that they want to work more! And the Koreans want to work less. It's nice to bring some love and laughter to them during their crazy days. They always leave class looking lighter and happier, and for that I am glad.
As for the voice acting, well, it's been a real trip and things have just started getting going! Couple of weeks ago I had to do this cartoon with various characters explaining the harm of internet porn addiction to teenagers. That was funny. It was something we would have scoffed at. Then there have been times where I've had to read scripts as they were, unedited, because the client didn't have enough time to correct the horrific grammar. Imagine a perfect Canadian accent reading something that barely sounds like English. Ha! Two days ago I did a reading with another Canadian. One minute into it and we realized that the whole thing consisted of really bad jokes...kind of like Readers Digest or something you would read on a wall in a Canadian outhouse. Really cheesy, old-fashioned, and at times sexist. There never seems to be a dull moment. The money is great and I love using my voice, expressing myself.
On another note, I have been doing research for a novel for the past 6 months that I hope to start writing very soon. I don't know if I should give details or not. Don't want to jinx it, but, at the same time having a sounding board on here could help me through my blocks or challenges. I think in time I would like to start breifing you guys on it.
It's a beautiful spring day. The cherry blossoms and magnolias have been in bloom, the tree leaves are out donning their verdant smiles and I have a young beagle pup to tend to. I am 13 weeks pregnant and feel pretty damn good.
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[10 Apr 2008|10:51pm] |
Well, it's been a few days since the "discovery" and I have regained some of my equanimity. I've had so much insight in the last few days, I'm sure this experience, if anything, is monumental in my spiritual evolution.
What I have gathered from self-reflection and discussion with others is that:
99% of the male sex is hardwired to at least want to bed anything they find attractive. This is their sexual template. Women want to be taken care of and nurtured and this is their sexual template. So, the term "sexual addiction" is really one I won't be using anymore, because it really doesn't make sense. If women constantly want to be taken care of, is this an addiction? Men are hardwired to spread their seed.
What it comes down to is dealing with what the Sufi's call 'nafs'. The animal self, the urges, the desires all originating in the lower chakras. How one learns how master these is vital to inner evolution.
It seems that my husband made the division in his psyche for his need of the archetypes of The Madonna and The Whore. This is a common thing-the wife being pure and untouchable and the naughty woman or situation being stimulating. As all the funny business started around the time I became pregnant he saw me then as even more untouchable. Little does he know that most women are more sexual when pregnant.
We've talked in depth about sex, about our lives. His love for me is very deep and I am certain that they were "just fucking". Not that that makes it any the more less painful, but it helps me to understand it from an objective viewpoint which seems to make it more understandable, if that makes any sense.
His willingness to change is believable, so I am going to trust him, or at least try. In the past I would have shut right down in this situation, withdrawn and probably disappeared. In the long run it is very important for the baby to establish a relationship with his father from the beginning. It's very important. The pain I feel now would probably be nothing compared to what the child would feel later down the road not knowing his other half or establishing that deep connection early on. And I know he will be a good father...but I have made it clear no stick usage is happening ever!!
I met with The Whore today, and all I have to say is, how sad. So young and naive. She was a mess wracked with guilt and sorrow. I explained about my pain and about some ways of the world. Bottom line is-if she's a good actress she won't need to fuck any director. She was truly under the impression that they were training for facial expression. Both of them are still!! Amazing what kind of rationalizations the ego can use to support it's own demise. Anyways, I told her that I believed she was a good person and that I would forgive both of them. But, I had one request...to reimburse me for my lost week of work. It wasn't all sweet, I did get angry a bit, but all in all, I felt much better after, because before I had so much animosity in my heart for her I couldn't stop thinking about shaving her hair off or slapping her, or some kind of vindictive thing like that.
We're going to see a psychologist tommorrow. IT should be interesting...I am still staying at my friends house.
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[13 Mar 2008|09:03pm] |
Well, it's been such a long time. I've taken a hiatus, a break, a sleep in a cave called S.Korea and it's time to come out into the wonderful world of livejournal.
Previously, I was sharing some personal feelings, some poetry, and alot of links to things other people have said. I guess now what I am feeling is that...I need to write again.
...how do I recapitulate an entire year and then brief on present reality?
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| which is your favourite? |
[12 Jan 2008|05:28pm] |
Here is the Washington Post's
> Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to
> take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
> subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
> definition.
>
> The winners are:
>
> 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
> renders the subject financially impotent for an
> indefinite period of time.
>
> 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an
> asshole.
>
> 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
> which lasts until you realize it was your money to
> start with.
>
> 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>
> 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
> people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
> bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
> breaking down in the near future.
>
> 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
> the purpose of getting lucky
>
> 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
> 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
> wit and the person who doesn't get it.
>
> 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee! intravenously when you
> are running late.
>
> 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
>
> 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got
> extra credit.)
>
> 12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off
> all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth
> explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
>
> 13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
> through the day consuming only things that are good
> for you
>
> 14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
>
> 15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
> seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
>
> 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
> performed just after you've accidentally walked
> through a spider web.
>
> 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
> that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
> and cannot be cast out.
>
> 18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
> half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
>
> *********************
>
> The Washington Post has also published the winning
> submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers
> are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words
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[28 Jun 2007|01:43pm] |
I don't normally post things here, but, anyone with babies, or knows anyone who has babies and are considering getting vaccines for them, please read this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-f-kennedy-jr/attack-on-mothers_b_52894.html
Attack On Mothers
by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
The poisonous public attacks on Katie Wright this week-for revealing
that her autistic son Christian (grandson of NBC Chair Bob Wright),
has recovered significant function after chelation treatments to
remove mercury surprised many observers unfamiliar with the
acrimonious debate over the mercury-based vaccine preservative
Thimerosal. But the patronizing attacks on the mothers of autistic
children who have organized to oppose this brain-killing poison is
one of the most persistent tactics employed by those defending
Thimerosal against the barrage of scientific evidence linking it to
the epidemic of pediatric neurological disorders, including autism.
Mothers of autistics are routinely dismissed as irrational,
hysterical, or as a newspaper editor told me last week, "desperate to
find the reason for their children's illnesses," and therefore,
overwrought and disconnected.
But my experience with these women is inconsistent with those
patronizing assessments. Over the past two years I've met or
communicated with several hundred of these women. Instead of a
desperate mob of irrational hysterics, I've found the anti-Thimerosal
activists for the most part to be calm, grounded and extraordinarily
patient. As a group, they are highly educated. Many of them are
doctors, nurses, schoolteachers, pharmacists, psychologists, Ph.D.s
and other professionals. Many of them approached the link skeptically
and only through dispassionate and diligent investigation became
convinced that Thimerosal-laced vaccines destroyed their children's
brains. As a group they have sat through hundreds of meetings and
scientific conferences, and studied research papers and medical
tests. They have networked with each other at meetings and on the
Web. Along the way they have stoically endured the abuse routinely
heaped upon them by the vaccine industry and public health
authorities and casual dismissal by reporters and editors too lazy to
do their jobs.
Many of these women tell a story virtually identical to Katie
Wright's I have now heard or seen this grim chronology recounted
hundreds of times in conversations, e-mails and letters from mothers:
At 2-1/2 years old, Christian Wright exceeded all milestones. He had
1,000 words, was toilet-trained, and enjoyed excellent social
relations with his brother and others. Then his pediatrician gave him
Thimerosal-laced vaccines. He cried all night, developed a fever and,
over the coming months, this smart, healthy child disappeared.
Christian lost the ability to speak, to interact with family members,
to make eye contact or to point a finger. He is no longer toilet
trained. He engaged in stereotypical behavior-screaming, head-
banging, biting and uncontrolled aggression, and suffers continuously
the agonizing pain of gastrointestinal inflammation.
After hearing that story a couple dozen times, a rational person
might do some more investigation. That's when one encounters the
overwhelming science hundreds of research studies from dozens of
countries showing the undeniable connection between mercury and
Thimerosal and a wide range of neurological illnesses. In response to
the overwhelming science, CDC and the pharmaceutical industry ginned
up four European studies designed to disguise the link between autism
and Thimerosal. Their purpose was to provide plausible deniability
for the consequences of their awful decision to allow brain-killing
mercury to be injected into our youngest children. Those deliberately
deceptive and fatally flawed studies were authored by vaccine
industry consultants and paid for by Thimerosal producers and
published largely in compromised journals that neglected to disclose
the myriad conflicts of their authors in violation of standard peer-
review ethics. As I've shown elsewhere [see
www.robertfkennedyjr.com], these studies were borderline fraud, using
statistical deceptions to mislead the public and regulatory community.
The CDC and IOM base their defense of Thimerosal on these flimsy
studies, their own formidable reputations, and their faith that
journalists won't take the time to critically read the science. The
bureaucrats are simultaneously using their influence, energies and
clout to derail, defund and suppress any scientific study that may
verify the link between Thimerosal and brain disorders. (These would
include epidemiological studies comparing the records of vaccinated
children with those of unvaccinated populations like the Amish or
home-schooled kids who appear to enjoy dramatically reduced levels of
autism and other neurological disorders.) The federal agencies have
refused to release the massive public health information accumulated
in their Vaccine Safety Database (VSD) apparently to keep independent
scientists from reviewing evidence that could prove the link. They
are also muzzling or blackballing scientists who want to conduct such
studies.
Ironically, it is the same voices that once blamed autism on "bad
parenting," and "uninvolved" moms that are now faulting these mothers
for being too involved.
Due to this campaign of obfuscation and public deception, Thimerosal-
based vaccines continue to sicken millions of children around the
world and potential treatments like the chelation that benefited
Christian Wright are kept out of the hands of the mainstream doctors
now treating autistic kids with less effective tools. Like thousands
of other mothers of autistic children, Katie Wright knows what
sickened her child. Her efforts to spare other families this
catastrophe, deployed with a cool head and calm demeanor, are truly
heroic. Maybe it's time we all started listening. Maybe it's time to
start respecting and honoring the maternal instincts and hard work of
Katie and her fellow mothers by aggressively funding the studies that
might verify or dispute them.
© 2007 The Huffington Post
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[14 May 2007|03:34pm] |
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[22 Apr 2007|11:12pm] |
color:#CFCF95;color:#1A0A13;font-family: georgia, helvetica, trebuchet ms, verdana, sans-serif;"> - The colour of Barkat is no indication of her spiciness, but size usually is!
- If you break Barkat, you will get seven years of bad luck!
- Barkat cannot swim!
- Barkat has three eyelids.
- Barkat was originally called Cheerioats.
- Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of Barkat.
- There are 336 dimples on Barkat.
- Barkaticide is the killing of Barkat.
- Barkat can be very poisonous if injected intravenously.
- The horns of Barkat are made entirely from hair.
</div>
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[25 Feb 2007|08:26pm] |
there are a pair of eyes somewhere,
that haven't forgotten your face,
haven't had you misplaced
in the ether.
there are two ears somewhere,
that hear lace being woven
between branches and continents;
turning green.
the thing is-
hearts come and hearts go.
hands caress and wave good-bye,
breaths of lovers lie
wanting only a kingdom of your time.
it's that pair of feet walking away
in solidarity with the path,
that will always jump in any puddle
that remotely feels like you.
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| On Virtue...Heaven and Earth meet in the Heart |
[11 Feb 2007|09:31pm] |
"Heaven gives and Earth receives. Heaven animates and Earth gives birth. Heaven sustains Earth with love and blesses her with light. The creative movement is called Virtue. The Virtue of Heaven falls upon Earth, penetrating and filling her. Sun and moon are witness to the heavenly Virtue [...] Heaven invites, and Earth responds by receiving his Virtue. Earth's purpose is to form Breaths out of this Virtue from Heaven. Because of this community of Heaven/Earth life we can say: the Virtue of Earth is simply the transmitted Virtue of Heaven, to the origin of creative power. If we make too-rigourous distinction between the Virtue of Heaven and the Breaths of Earth, we will ignore the work they accomplish together [...] Water is the manifestation of Heaven. This power also falls within us, "in an equally silent thunder." We call it "Virtue". This Virtue brings life, develops, and maintins the movement of each being. Its gift and receipt can be an observable, visible phenomenon. In its invisible aspect, it is the mystery to be contemplated, as if we were standing before a latticed doorway. (In order to see [through it], we must know how to position ourselves, and how to receive the image that comes to our eyes.) The explanding power that stops right here, to make me into a being, can be compared to the cascading of the waters from Heaven."
"Rooted in Spirit: The Heart of Chinese Medicine" A sinological interpreation of Chapter Eight of Huangdi Neijing Lingshu. Larre & de la Vallee, 1995. Staion Hill Press.
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